Thursday, March 31, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
132. Cash Cab... Chicago?
Why this is wrong on so many levels...
First of all, Ben Bailey is nothing short of THE MAN. Doing anything that might detract from his success as a game show host and tv personality (i.e. creating the exact same show without him as the host and putting it in one of his time-slots therefore lowering his viewership) is a sin. Whichever employee at the Discovery Channel came up with this bright idea is going straight to hell.
Second of all, take a look at the picture above. No, your eyes don't deceive you... that is a female. As if the fact of getting in a cab with a woman behind the wheel wasn't scary enough, she's not even fully concentrating on the road. Half of her attention is directed towards asking the passengers trivia questions while she's driving. I hope the Discovery Channel has a lot of insurance... cuz I don't expect many of these contestants to walk away with their lives. If by some miracle of God she doesn't kill her passengers immediately upon leaving the curb, how do they expect people to answer these questions correctly? Have you ever tried to answer random trivia questions when you're facing the possibility of being slaughtered at any second in a massive fiery car crash? I haven't. I can only assume you'd have as much success at answering those questions as this guy is having answering Samuel L. Jackson's questions...
And finally, if somehow... just SOMEHOW... you can get past the fact that you are being driven around in a 2 ton death machine by someone with two x chromosomes, how can you be certain that the answers she is giving are even correct?! We all know that a woman's brain is 1/3 the size of a man's... that's just science. Literally no disputing that fact. So how could you trust that when she tells you that you answered a question incorrectly that you ACTUALLY answered it incorrectly. Just too much doubt for my liking.
In my humble and honest opinion, this television show needs to be removed from regular programming immediately and all evidence that it ever existed destroyed. Honestly, they coulda just asked Ben Bailey to do both shows. The guy could easily cover both cities without a problem.
First of all, Ben Bailey is nothing short of THE MAN. Doing anything that might detract from his success as a game show host and tv personality (i.e. creating the exact same show without him as the host and putting it in one of his time-slots therefore lowering his viewership) is a sin. Whichever employee at the Discovery Channel came up with this bright idea is going straight to hell.
Second of all, take a look at the picture above. No, your eyes don't deceive you... that is a female. As if the fact of getting in a cab with a woman behind the wheel wasn't scary enough, she's not even fully concentrating on the road. Half of her attention is directed towards asking the passengers trivia questions while she's driving. I hope the Discovery Channel has a lot of insurance... cuz I don't expect many of these contestants to walk away with their lives. If by some miracle of God she doesn't kill her passengers immediately upon leaving the curb, how do they expect people to answer these questions correctly? Have you ever tried to answer random trivia questions when you're facing the possibility of being slaughtered at any second in a massive fiery car crash? I haven't. I can only assume you'd have as much success at answering those questions as this guy is having answering Samuel L. Jackson's questions...
And finally, if somehow... just SOMEHOW... you can get past the fact that you are being driven around in a 2 ton death machine by someone with two x chromosomes, how can you be certain that the answers she is giving are even correct?! We all know that a woman's brain is 1/3 the size of a man's... that's just science. Literally no disputing that fact. So how could you trust that when she tells you that you answered a question incorrectly that you ACTUALLY answered it incorrectly. Just too much doubt for my liking.
In my humble and honest opinion, this television show needs to be removed from regular programming immediately and all evidence that it ever existed destroyed. Honestly, they coulda just asked Ben Bailey to do both shows. The guy could easily cover both cities without a problem.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
131. 2 for 1 Special
Makes me wanna order Chinese food.
Happy Birthday and Belated Birthday shout-outs to Sarah Irish and Tony Bird.
Name: Sarah Letoya Irish
Nickname: 'Sirish'
Born: Somewhere above New Jersey
Claim to fame: Tuna Noodle Casserole
Catchphrase: 'I Haytchu!!'
Favorite Food: Things that don't taste as good as meat
Weakness: Puppies
Athletic Event of Choice: Triathlon
Hobby: Traveling to Spanish-speaking countries
Things she is likely to burn down: College Town Bagels, Patty Zimmerman
Name: Donald Anthony Bird
Nickname: Greg Brady and/or Nick Neuman
Born: Somewhere below New Jersey
Claim to fame: Lax Flow
Catchphrase: 'Naked Tony!!'
Favorite Food: Old Bay Seasoning
Weakness: Boobies
Athletic Event of Choice: Ski Week
Hobby: Swimming with the jellies
Political View: Amurrrika!
Hope you guys are having fun in the Ith.
Happy Birthday and Belated Birthday shout-outs to Sarah Irish and Tony Bird.
Name: Sarah Letoya Irish
Nickname: 'Sirish'
Born: Somewhere above New Jersey
Claim to fame: Tuna Noodle Casserole
Catchphrase: 'I Haytchu!!'
Favorite Food: Things that don't taste as good as meat
Weakness: Puppies
Athletic Event of Choice: Triathlon
Hobby: Traveling to Spanish-speaking countries
Things she is likely to burn down: College Town Bagels, Patty Zimmerman
Name: Donald Anthony Bird
Nickname: Greg Brady and/or Nick Neuman
Born: Somewhere below New Jersey
Claim to fame: Lax Flow
Catchphrase: 'Naked Tony!!'
Favorite Food: Old Bay Seasoning
Weakness: Boobies
Athletic Event of Choice: Ski Week
Hobby: Swimming with the jellies
Political View: Amurrrika!
Hope you guys are having fun in the Ith.
130. I got what you need
On any given day, it may it may seem as though I'm actually a drug smuggler...
maybe I can put that on my resume.
maybe I can put that on my resume.
Monday, March 21, 2011
128. Oh you GOTTA get down on Friday
If you haven't seen/heard this already then you either live under a damn rock and have no concept of whats going on outside the walls of your own home... or you actually have a life.
Best song of 2011... BY FAR
Best song of 2011... BY FAR
127. Spring has ARRIVED
Yesterday was the first official day of Spring...
...so why in the EFF is it snowing outside?!?
ps it was close to 70 degrees outside 3 days ago. This is some kind of BULL shit.
...so why in the EFF is it snowing outside?!?
ps it was close to 70 degrees outside 3 days ago. This is some kind of BULL shit.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
125. Roast FAIL
Watched the Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump the other night.
Mike "the Situation" Sorrentino's segment literally left me speechless.
The website I found the video on wouldn't let me post it here; they kept giving me this symbol:
Apparently my princess is in another castle. Who knew. Anyway, here's the link to the site: Roast Video
Watch... and prepare to be stupefied.
124. TOP O' THE MORNIN' TO YA
Happy Saint Patrick's Day!
If you catch a leprechaun today and present me with the evidence I'll give you a bowl of lucky charms.
Of course I am decked out in green in honor of the day and ONCE AGAIN it seems I am the only one in this office with any sort of festiveness, which I also found to be true on halloween when I showed up to work in a costume and not a single other person did. Utterly disappointing.
In other news...
MARCH MADNESS begins today!!!!
My bracket is set, as will be my eyes to my computer/tv screen for the next 2.5 weeks. Hope my employers don't expect a whole lot of work out of me MUAHAHA.
FIGHT, all 64 teams! minus Nova... I don't think anyone would mind if they just quietly disappeared from the tourney ; )
If you catch a leprechaun today and present me with the evidence I'll give you a bowl of lucky charms.
Of course I am decked out in green in honor of the day and ONCE AGAIN it seems I am the only one in this office with any sort of festiveness, which I also found to be true on halloween when I showed up to work in a costume and not a single other person did. Utterly disappointing.
In other news...
MARCH MADNESS begins today!!!!
My bracket is set, as will be my eyes to my computer/tv screen for the next 2.5 weeks. Hope my employers don't expect a whole lot of work out of me MUAHAHA.
FIGHT, all 64 teams! minus Nova... I don't think anyone would mind if they just quietly disappeared from the tourney ; )
Friday, March 11, 2011
123. ...456
Reached 123456 on my odometer this morning. Was late to work and was getting honked at trying to get this picture, but OH a brotha's gotta do what a brotha's gotta do.
Can't wait to drive another 1,111,111 miles to get that bad boy up to 1234567. I might have to make some slight modifications to allow it to go that high...
Can't wait to drive another 1,111,111 miles to get that bad boy up to 1234567. I might have to make some slight modifications to allow it to go that high...
122. Mean Conan
There's a documentary coming out later this week called 'Conan O'Brien Can't Stop' that depicts the darker side of Conan O'Brien. The side that apparently comes out when the tv cameras turn off and the audience goes home. The side that his coworkers refer to as 'Mean Conan'. The New York Times just wrote an article about it: Conan In The Wilderness.
I didn't realize that the NBC severance package given to him after he was shit canned banned him from television for a period of time. I also didn't realize that during this time, he did a live musical tour entitled, 'Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television Tour'.
A WISH that this film doesn't ruin my perception of him.
I didn't realize that the NBC severance package given to him after he was shit canned banned him from television for a period of time. I also didn't realize that during this time, he did a live musical tour entitled, 'Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television Tour'.
A WISH that this film doesn't ruin my perception of him.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
121. Damn Eagle
Is your eagle always taking huge god damn shits? Do traditional cleaners just not quite cut it when trying to clean up your majestic pet's majestic-sized mess?? Have you been searching for a solution to this problem for YEARS and YEARS???
Well search no more.
I give you... Eagle's Nest Disinfectant Cleaner
The only practical disinfactant strong enough to clean up even the dirtiest of eagle's nests... guaranteed.
Well search no more.
I give you... Eagle's Nest Disinfectant Cleaner
The only practical disinfactant strong enough to clean up even the dirtiest of eagle's nests... guaranteed.
120. What meeting?
Every couple of weeks this company holds a 'town-hall' meeting that every employee is supposed to attend. Do I attend? Hellz naw. I just swoop in for the lunch they provide afterwards MUAHAHA
119. ENERGY!!
Today I came to work packin'...
cuz I don't want to fall asleep at my desk... for an hour........ like i did yesterday.
cuz I don't want to fall asleep at my desk... for an hour........ like i did yesterday.
Monday, March 7, 2011
118. Wildtown under water...
The tri-state area was hit with torrential downpour yesterday and my town (Westwood, NJ) had a little bit of a flooding issue. Check out the video on this news site...
http://www.news12.com/articleDetail.jsp?articleId=275548&position=1&news_type=news
My friend Mike and his mom are at 1:18 in the video. Their house and the houses around theirs were hit with the blunt force of the flooding. His brother Andy took these pics of the damage inside their house...
Thankful that I don't live in the area of town that's prone to flooding. A WISH.
http://www.news12.com/articleDetail.jsp?articleId=275548&position=1&news_type=news
My friend Mike and his mom are at 1:18 in the video. Their house and the houses around theirs were hit with the blunt force of the flooding. His brother Andy took these pics of the damage inside their house...
Andy's bedroom in the basement of the house
the rest of the basement outside Andy's bedroom
the garage
Andy and Mike's parents watch from the front door as
water streams down the driveway into the garage.
Thankful that I don't live in the area of town that's prone to flooding. A WISH.
Friday, March 4, 2011
117. 2030?
Right now at work I'm taking hundreds of files, all with this cancelled label on them and putting them into boxes. I was going at it pretty mindlessly until I pulled this file...
didn't realize we were in the year 2030. I guess time flies when you're doing the most boring work on the planet.
In other news... the weird guy in the cubicle next to me is listening to 'Don't Wanna Miss A Thing' by Aerosmith.... I DON'T WANNA CLOSE MY EYYEEEEEEEESS!!!!
k back to work.
didn't realize we were in the year 2030. I guess time flies when you're doing the most boring work on the planet.
In other news... the weird guy in the cubicle next to me is listening to 'Don't Wanna Miss A Thing' by Aerosmith.... I DON'T WANNA CLOSE MY EYYEEEEEEEESS!!!!
k back to work.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
116. Oatmeal
My amazon.com order came in the mail today...
It is basically a collection of humorous comics by Matthew Inman, the creator of The Oatmeal. If you haven't gone to The Oatmeal website, do it. Now.
The Tagline of the book:
"This book contains gorillas, prostitution, poop jokes, small quantities of chainsaws, large quantities of man nipples, and one drug-addicted dinosaur. It's purpose is to entertain, inform, and offend."
I honestly could not think of a better combination of topics to be put on paper, placed between two covers, and bound together.
5 very good reasons to buy this book:
1. It was not expensive. In this economy you just can't afford to be spending a fortune on reading material.
2. Large print. With my rapidly degrading eyesight, the bigger the font the better. Plus it makes you feel like a speed reader.
3. Pictures (and plenty of them). I don't know why more (and by more i mean ALL) books aren't illustrated. It should be mandatory. Gotta love visual aids.
4. 3 words... PULL. OUT. POSTER. need I say more?
5. It contains poop jokes and man nipples... two of the best things on Earth.
It is basically a collection of humorous comics by Matthew Inman, the creator of The Oatmeal. If you haven't gone to The Oatmeal website, do it. Now.
The Tagline of the book:
"This book contains gorillas, prostitution, poop jokes, small quantities of chainsaws, large quantities of man nipples, and one drug-addicted dinosaur. It's purpose is to entertain, inform, and offend."
I honestly could not think of a better combination of topics to be put on paper, placed between two covers, and bound together.
5 very good reasons to buy this book:
1. It was not expensive. In this economy you just can't afford to be spending a fortune on reading material.
2. Large print. With my rapidly degrading eyesight, the bigger the font the better. Plus it makes you feel like a speed reader.
3. Pictures (and plenty of them). I don't know why more (and by more i mean ALL) books aren't illustrated. It should be mandatory. Gotta love visual aids.
4. 3 words... PULL. OUT. POSTER. need I say more?
5. It contains poop jokes and man nipples... two of the best things on Earth.
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